It’s always refreshing to hear a band who strive for political correctness to avoid upsetting the masses. Thankfully Footprints In The Custard are not them….. Pour into a bucket Evil Scarecrow, Gang Green, Andrew WK and a smattering of Exodus.. add a selection of inappropriate hallucinogenic drugs and a few drops of Jaeger.. stir until hand ready to fall off.. meet Footprints in the Custard with 13 songs of wonderful old school punk-thrash and 13 sets of lyrics that will leave you pissing yourself laughing or twitching uncomfortably.
Take opener ‘Year of the Weasel’ – a wonderful opening riff with some quality thrashing devolves/evolves into a punk chorus - and the lines ‘Fuck like a Weasel’ and ‘All is great when you’re inebriated’ possibly give you an idea where we’re going here. ‘Wankclaw’, in the first verse of the ‘story’ vocalist Russ eloquently tells us, ‘One day in my youth, I fell upon my knees to give my jellied eel a great and mighty squeeze’. Who can’t relate?
‘The Descent of Decency’ is worth searching youtube for the video alone and getting your most easily disgusted relatives to sing along with you while watching it and pumping your fist to lines like ‘Fight for the right to fuck for freedom’; a valid political cause if ever there was one. ‘Party Metal’ also has a video worth searching which, on first play, my metal eldest son told me he ‘really liked it until they started taking their clothes off’ (note to the worried: they revealed mankinis - nothing more dodgy than that) although ‘Do a tactical chunder’ is a line that applies to most good nights out.
‘Hanging with David Carradine’ took me a couple of attempts to find a line I could put in this review; ‘Hurk-uh hrmph-ughh uhrr-hrrr’ is an actual line in the song. ‘Close enough to clunge’ with it’s huge singalong chorus (really) ‘I just wanna kiss it’ gives you an idea of what they’re trying to achieve here. ‘Sympathy Lick’ strikes lyrical beauty with ‘Muscular envelopment under the hood of the divine’ and possibly my favourite tune on the album ‘Making the Eight’ is a slightly bizarre fantasy/Game of Thrones tribute. I think. Although the fact that Russ sings that ‘I caught syphilis and warts from Cersei’ is a sad tale indeed. ‘Bouncy Bouncy’: if I tell you ‘Up and down, take off your pants’ it moves you away from the picture of a bouncy castle sadly….
‘Waltz of the Bear’ is a fairly disturbing tale not for fans of the cuddly things; ‘Dark vacant eyes and teeth stained with red’. ‘Thundercunt’ also paints an interesting picture. Fave line ‘Electric discharge, shocking, scorching’. ‘The Fappening’ - I’ll just add the line ‘This is the Fappening’ and leave it there….
‘Merlin in Berlin’ is a wondrous 8 minute epic (mean it) that tells a wonderful tale of an alternative 40’s Germany. ‘What did Hitler even smell like?’ sings Russ…. To say these guys are fairly unique is putting it mildly. Let’s hope that their day jobs include Priest and Politician at the very least?
Released 21st May 2016
It’s always refreshing to hear a band who strive for political correctness to avoid upsetting the masses. Thankfully Footprints In The Custard are not them…..
